


Love potions 4 - full moon

by Coriaria



Series: Love Potions [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Full Moon, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, grief/ loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2019-11-16 14:44:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18096359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coriaria/pseuds/Coriaria
Summary: Remus comes to after the full moon feeling worse than he has in years. Severus is there to look after him, as usual, but he's not alone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Basically just an excuse for a heap of hurt/ comfort.

Remus couldn’t remember when he’d last felt so ill. He had come to his senses staring at a set of concrete steps which rose to a heavy door, in a haze of pain and with the taste of blood in his mouth. He’d tried to sit up, look around and see where he was, but moving his arm had been agony. He lay there, sprawled on his back and drawing shallow breaths, until he heard the sound of a door opening and footsteps coming down the stairs.

The familiar sounds seemed to ground him and he knew then that he was in his cellar, after the full moon. And Severus was coming to him. He lifted his head, trying to ignore the wave of nausea. He saw the pile of blankets, dirty and torn, on the far side of the cellar. There was no way he could reach them and cover himself.

He groaned in frustration. They had seen each other naked many times now, but this was different. He hated anyone to see him after the full moon and, since Severus had been caring for him afterwards, he’d always managed to at least partly cover himself with one of the blankets. But now he was filthy, disgusting and smeared with blood, the stink of sweat on his body fighting with the foul odour of wolf urine which permeated the cellar and he didn’t even have the decency of being covered.

“Remus.”

He saw Severus’s feet and then legs as he crouched down and placed a hand on his shoulder. Then a soft blanket was being draped over his body and he gave a sigh of relief.

“Daddy, you’re hurt.”

Remus stiffened as he heard his son’s worried voice.

“Teddy?”

He began struggling to get up, anxious to avoid Teddy seeing him in such a state. Teddy wasn’t even supposed to be in the house. He was never meant to be there during the full moon. He was anxious enough about it without having to be in the same house as the wolf or seeing his father naked and bleeding on the floor of the cellar. What had gone wrong? Why was Teddy there? Remus felt anxiety rise within him, but he kept his voice calm.

“Teddy, I’m fine. A bit tired, that’s all.”

Teddy’s eyes met his. They were dark, as they often were when he spent time with Severus, and his hair was black. His forehead was wrinkled with worry.

“But you’re bleeding, Daddy. And your arm, it’s crooked and… it’s got something sticking out.”

Remus twisted his head around, trying to see his arm. When he saw it, he wished he hadn’t. The broken end of one bone was poking out through the skin. The threatening nausea now overwhelmed him and he felt vomit rising in his throat. He panicked then, unable to roll himself over and fearing he was going to choke.

The Severus’s arms were around him and his voice was murmuring in his ear.

“It’s alright, Remus, I’ve got you.”

Severus turned his body so that Remus was on his side and then supported his head. Remus retched uncontrollably, aware that vomit was going all over Severus’s robe and powerless to stop it. Now the stench of the cellar was even more disgusting. He closed his eyes and tried to stop himself from crying.

“Sshh, now, Remus, it’s alright. You’re alright.”

A hand brushed hair from his face then wiped his mouth with a damp cloth. Behind him, he heard Teddy’s voice saying similar soothing things and then felt Teddy’s hands on his back, rubbing gently.

“ _Evanesco_ ,” Severus said, sounding unconcerned. “Now, Remus, I’m going to lie you back down. Try to hold still. That arm is nasty and beyond my abilities. I’m going to need to splint it until a healer can look at it, and that may hurt. We will probably need a trip to St Mungos, but I think it’s better if we get you cleaned up and feeling a bit more recovered before we go.”

Remus gritted his teeth as Severus laid him back and began to work on his arm. He wanted to cry out at the pain, but Teddy had taken his other hand and was watching him. His eyes were back to their usual blue, but his hair had faded to a mousy brown, a sign he was frightened. Remus gave him a small smile.

“Aren’t I lucky?” he said. “I have my two favourite people here to look after me.”

Inside, he was seething that Teddy was there, seeing him in this awful condition. He was supposed to be with Andromeda, Remus had dropped him off himself, late the previous afternoon. It was bad enough that Teddy would have to see his father ill later in the morning. It would only make things worse for Teddy to see his father in this state and to be in the same house when Remus was the wolf. And Remus was pretty sure he knew how it had happened.

Severus was incapable of saying no to Teddy. Despite being the most terrifying teacher Hogwarts had seen in years, intimidating a generation of teens in his classroom, he seemed to have met his match in a boy who had just had his eigth birthday.

It wouldn’t matter, except that Teddy knew it, and wasn’t above taking advantage. One evening, after the last full moon, Remus had fallen asleep on the sofa while Teddy and Severus were playing with lego. Remus had awoken, hours later, to discover that Severus had allowed Teddy to have ice cream and an entire packet of penguin biscuits for dinner. The sitting room floor was covered with lego and, at 10pm, Teddy was playing on the video game he had got for his birthday.

Now, Teddy had somehow got Severus to let him come home while Remus was transformed.

Severus was slipping an arm under Remus’s shoulders, lifting him to a sitting position with his broken arm cradled against his chest. Remus couldn’t avoid a whimper.

“Do you think you can walk, Remus?”

Severus could surely tell that Remus was in no state to walk on his own, but it was good of him to ask. He always asked, always gave Remus the choice. Remus suspected it had started because Severus had no idea what to do, not having been the recipient of much care in his life. But now it was more about respect and allowing Remus to feel that he had some control.

“I… I’m sorry, I don’t think I can, Severus.”

Severus nodded, while Teddy watched anxiously.

“I’ll do a featherlight charm and carry you then. Just let me know if I do anything to hurt you.”

Remus took a breath and, as he was gently lifted, rested his head against Severus’s cheek.

“I’m so glad you are here, Severus,” he murmured.

Severus said nothing, but gave a nod of acknowledgement.

“But Teddy shouldn’t be,” Remus continued, keeping his voice low so only Severus could hear him. “He was at Andromeda’s. You know I don’t want him to see this.”

“He contacted me through the floo. Andromeda was… wasn’t capable.”

Remus swallowed and forced himself to speak quietly.

“What happened? Is she alright?”

There was a long pause as Teddy held the cellar door open and then closed it after Severus stepped through with Remus.

“Teddy, would you check that your father’s bed is ready? That I put towels down so that he doesn’t bleed on the sheets?”

Teddy ran up the stairs ahead of them. When he disappeared from sight, Severus spoke again. His voice was still quiet, but it was more of an angry hiss than a soft murmur.

“She was drunk. She fell asleep and Teddy couldn’t wake her. He was upset.”

“Oh.”

Andromeda’s problems with alcohol came and went, and had ever since she had lost her husband and daughter within months of each other. Remus did his best to help her, making sure she spent plenty of time with her grandson and occasionally sending Teddy to stay with Harry while he helped her after a particularly bad patch. That hadn’t happened for a while, but it had been Dora’s anniversary recently. He’d wondered whether she would be alright, but Andromeda had insisted she was fine and Teddy had really wanted to stay with her.

“You shouldn’t leave him in the care of a drunk.”

“She wasn’t drunk when I left him there,” Remus replied, getting snappy at Severus’s accusing tone.

“That doesn’t mean she’ll stay sober though. You can’t trust her.”

“She’d never hurt Teddy.”

“It’s not what she might do,” Severus said, his tone now less angry than sad, “it’s what she might not do. If he needed her…”

He didn’t finish his sentence, just letting out a sad sigh. Remus felt something tight around his heart. Severus had every reason to be concerned. He seldom mentioned his childhood, but the glimpses he had given Remus gave a grim picture of deprivation and neglect, punctuated with episodes of terror at his parents’ horrific, drunken arguments, which had often turned violent. While Remus was certain that Andromeda would never subject Teddy to anything remotely like that, it was still unacceptable for Andromeda to have been drunk with Teddy there.

“You’re right, Severus, I’m sorry,” Remus said, whispering now that Severus was walking into the bedroom and Teddy was watching. He felt some of the tension leave Severus’s body in response and Remus knew he’d been right to give the apology. He couldn’t be angry at Severus for bringing Teddy home under the circumstances, not given his own experience.

“Can I help, Severus?” Teddy asked, as Severus laid Remus on the bed.

“Yes, thank you Teddy. Could you please get me the green potion bottle that’s on the dressing table?”

Teddy scuttled away, before returning with the bottle. The look on Teddy’s face was so eager that it stabbed at Remus’s heart. His son shouldn’t have to look after him like this. Yet, here he was, at Severus’s side, and the boy actually looked happy about it. He glanced up at Severus, eyes shining, before handing his father the bottle.

“It’s a pain potion, Remus. Do you think the nausea has passed enough to take it.”

Remus nodded and took the bottle from Teddy. He swallowed a mouthful and breathed slowly until he was sure it would stay down.

“Teddy, you can put the bottle back now. And can you bring me the bowl and those cloths beside it, please.”

When Teddy had placed the bowl on the bedside table, Severus filled it with warm water and sent Teddy to fetch another potion. He added a few drops into the water, under Severus’s watchful eye, and then Severus dipped a cloth in and began to clean Remus’s face. He healed the small cuts and scratches then directed Teddy to dab salve on the bruises. Teddy had a look of intense concentration on his face, as he did when he was helping Remus cook or work on house repairs.

Remus watched as Severus moved on to his shoulders and then down the less injured arm. He held the cloth in one hand, rinsing it in the water now and again, and his wand in the other. He was systematic and precise, as if he was working on a potion. Remus wondered just how Severus had become so good at healing him. Not much more than six months ago, Severus had blushed scarlet at the prospect of touching Remus to apply a salve for his aching muscles. He was brewing some remarkable healing potions, certainly, but he’d simply shove them at Remus and give curt instructions on when to take it and how much.

Now, there was a confidence about him as he worked on Remus’s injuries and directed Teddy to help. Seeing the two of them working together, he realised that it wasn’t just Severus who was confident. Teddy was too. Remus had never seen him look so relaxed after the full moon. He still looked as if he’d hardly slept, but the worried expression he had worn in the cellar was gone, and his hair was back to blue, which meant he was feeling calm.

Severus and Teddy moved on to his chest, which had several deep scratches and a mass of bruises. Remus closed his eyes, the combination of the pain potion and the healing of the cuts and bruises making him feel as if there might be a chance to sleep.

“Not yet, Remus,” Severus said, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “We need to take you to St Mungo’s when we are finished.”

Remus opened his eyes.

“Do we really have to? Can’t I just take some Skele-gro?”

“Certainly, as long as you don’t mind a crooked wand arm. Teddy, what do you think? Would that be a good idea?”

Teddy made a good show of considering the proposal, before shaking his head.

“No, Daddy. That’s a bad idea.”

Teddy had a stern look on his face, but he was obviously trying not to smile. Remus was struck, once again, just how good Severus was with him. Remus could never get Teddy this relaxed just after the full moon, and the boy was usually distraught if his father was injured enough to require a hospital visit. And yet Severus practically had him joking around.

If only Severus was capable of saying no to Teddy’s own bad ideas.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically just an excuse for a ton of hurt/comfort. Apologies for the delay in posting chapters. Words just aren't happening easily right now.

When Severus left Remus and Teddy after the full moon, Remus suspected he might not see Severus for a few days. Severus had healed Remus’s less serious wounds before taking him to St Mungo’s to get his arm fixed. They’d sat there for hours while every patient apart from a half dozen werewolves was treated first, making excuses to Teddy in the hope he didn’t realise why his father was left until last. Severus had distracted the boy by asking him to give his business card, black and with the words _Severus Snape, potions supplied_ printed in silver, to the other werewolves. Teddy had walked up and handed each one a card, pointing out his father and Severus to each.

After he had returned Remus and Teddy home, Severus had begun muttering about being behind in his potion orders and then left. It was a plausible excuse – Severus had spend more time than usual looking after Remus in this runup to the full moon, after he’d caught a cold from Teddy. As well as the usual pre-moon anxiety, insomnia and lethargy, Remus had been congested and slightly feverish. Severus had spent most of the last few days with Remus and had brewed a number of extra potions for both Remus and Teddy. So Severus probably was behind in his work, but Remus also knew that “behind on my potion orders” could also mean “give me some space for a couple of days”.

It seemed to happen every few weeks. Remus wasn’t sure exactly why, but he’d seen how uncomfortable Severus was with intimacy and suspected that sometimes it just overwhelmed him. There was usually something which set it off, although Remus often didn’t notice at the time. It would only be later, when Severus would ask hesitant questions about what Remus meant when he’d said something or other, that Remus would realise that Severus had interpreted an innocent comment as a criticism.

This time, Remus didn’t have any trouble working out what would have upset him. Without a doubt, the comments about allowing Teddy to come home when Adromeda was drunk would have been enough. So he didn’t worry too much when the daily owls he sent came back unanswered on days one, two and three. But by day four, he was concerned.

He decided that it was too long for Severus to sulk, and apparated to Spinner’s End once Teddy had left for school.

“Severus?”

Remus let himself in to the house and called out tentatively. He got no answer.

“Severus?” he called, a bit louder, poking his head into the sitting room before entering the kitchen.

He peered into the dark cellar, casting a powerful lumos in case Severus was down there in the dark.

“Severus?”

He started to feel tight in his stomach. There was something about the house. Something was wrong. Taking a breath and looking back around the kitchen again, he realised what it was. There were far too few half-filled tea cups lying around.

“Severus!”

Remus bounded up the stairs, feeling panic rise inside him. He paused at the top, realising it was a mistake to run up the stairs when he was still a little weak after the full moon. From the bedroom, he finally heard a sign of life, a horrible choked coughing. He knocked and then opened the bedroom door.

“Severus? Love? Are you alright?”

The room was dim, lit only by the feeble light which came through the tatty, old curtains. The air was thick with the smell of sweat. Severus lay on the bed, upper body naked, a sheet tangled around his legs and his head held in his hands as he coughed so hard it sounded like he was trying to expel his lungs.

“Oh, love, you’re sick.”

Remus crouched down beside the bed and placed his hand on the heaving back. The skin was hot, far too hot, under his fingers. There was a pause in the coughing and Severus took a couple of breaths.

“Why didn’t you contact me, love? You’ve got a fever and you can barely breathe. You need to see a healer.”

Severus shook his head and began to cough again. Remus opened his mouth to respond – how could Severus think he didn’t need to see a healer in such a condition? But then he realised that there was no point in arguing. He’d discovered years ago that directly disagreeing with Severus was like trying to argue with Teddy when he was a toddler. Both would get completely irrational and disagree with whatever Remus suggested, just for the sake of creating an argument. If he was going to convince Severus to see a healer, he was going to need to take a more subtle approach.

Remus sat down beside him on the edge of the bed, waiting for the coughing to subside. When it did, Severus flopped forward onto the pillows, breathing as if he’d just run a marathon.

“Severus, love, can I get you something? Do you need some water?”

An empty cup stood on the bedside table and Remus picked it up. Severus glanced up and then gave Remus a faint nod. Remus got up and headed to the bathroom, returning with the cup filled as well as a bowl and a flannel.

“Here, Severus.”

Remus slipped one arm behind Severus’s neck and helped him sit up. Severus tried to reach for the cut, but Remus ignored him and simply lifted the cup to his lips.

“Let me help you, Severus.”

He took a couple of tentative sips, then began gulping the water down desperately. Remus pulled the cup away.

“Slow down, Severus. You’ll make yourself sick.”

Severus looked up and Remus noticed how sunken his eyes were. The skin on his face looked almost loose and his expression was dazed.

“Severus, when was the last time you drank anything?”

Severus just blinked at him with glassy eyes.

“Or went to the toilet?”

He frowned slightly, the skin between his eyebrows wrinkling.

“I… I don’t… not sure.”

His voice was hoarse and distant. Remus held his arm around his shoulders more tightly. Severus should probably be in hospital. But perhaps if Remus could get him to a healer and then home with him and Teddy, that would be good enough.

“Severus, are there any potions you have that would help? Something to help with the fever? Or the cough?”

Severus twisted his body, pulling back so he could see the small table beside the bed.

“Brown… bottle.” he said, before beginning to cough again.

Remus held on through the coughing, then picked up the bottle which Severus had indicated. It had the words “fever reducer” scrawled on the label, but it was empty. There were a couple of other bottles there as well, a cough potion and Pepper Up, but they were empty too.

“They’re empty, I’m afraid, Severus. Do you have more downstairs?”

Severus shook his head, then tried to squirm out of Remus’s arms.

“Too hot,” he whined.

“Okay, Severus, just have a little more water, then I’ll try and do something about the fever. Remember, small sips.”

Severus followed his instruction and began to sip the water without guzzling it. Then Remus released him and he sank down onto the pillow again. Remus put the cup down and dipped the flannel in the water.

“Let’s see if we can get you a bit cooler, love.”

Remus wiped the damp, cool flannel against Severus’s brow. His eyes closed and he let out a sigh. Remus kept the flannel moving, along his forehead, acorss his cheeks, dipping it in the water periodically to ensure that it stayed cool. He moved down to the jaw and then the neck, stroking the flannel across several days worth of stubble.

“The potions, Severus,” Remus said as something occurred to him, “would I be able to get more from an apothecary? I could nip out – wouldn’t take me long.”

“Not… no, can’t be… sold except by… a healer.”

Remus nodded, even though Severus had his eyes closed as Remus ran the cloth over his brow once more. He knew what to do now.

“So you make your own?”

“Mmm.”

“Is it difficult?”

“Not really… Tedious… “

“Could I make it for you?”

Severus’s eyes snapped open at that.

“You?”

“I’m not completely incompetent, Severus. I made my own healing potions for years.”

“It’s slow. The cough potion… it takes half a day… at least… if you get it right…”

“I don’t mind, Severus. I could ask Ginny if she would take Teddy after school. He could even stay with them overnight. He’ll understand.”

Severus shook his head and then began to cough again.

“No… no…” he said between coughing and gasping for breath. There was a slightly frantic look on his face, and he shook his head. Remus was right, Teddy would understand, but both of them also knew he wasn’t keen on staying at Grimmaud Place. As much as he adored his godfather, the house made him anxious and the three young children wore out his patience within a couple of hours. Severus would not want Teddy to have to stay there because of him.

Remus slid a hand under Severus’s back and helped him to sit upright, steadying him as his body struggled for breath. When he finally stopped coughing, he flopped against Remus’s chest, shoulders heaving, face scarlet. Remus gently helped him to lie back, this time piling up the pillows so he wasn’t lying too flat. Severus closed his eyes. He was obviously exhausted.

“Severus, love,” Remus said, his fingers gently pushing back the strands of hair that clung to the sweaty skin on his face, “it might be easier if we just went to a healer and got you a couple of potions. It won’t take long.”

Severus was silent for a few moments, before opening his eyes to look at Remus.

“Alright,” he said, before sighing and closing his eyes again.

Remus scratched out a quick note to the healer he always took Teddy to. He saw her himself on the rare occasions that he had an illness which wasn’t related to lycanthropy and that Severus couldn’t treat with one of his potions. She was very kind, and endlessly patient with small children who weren’t feeling their best and were therefore not behaving their best either. Remus was sure she’d be able to manage Severus.

While Remus waited for a response, he resumed trying to cool Severus down with the flannel dipped in cold water. After working his way across the brow and cheeks, down the jaw and neck, he moved it across Severus’s chest. Remus wasn’t sure if he was doing any good – the fever was still high – but Severus seemed to be relaxing a bit. Finally, he drifted into a restless sleep.

Severus’s owl was back within an hour saying that Healer MacMillan could fit them in at midday. Remus suspected it was probably her lunchtime, but she was always good at finding time for genuinely urgent cases. Remus cast a couple of cleaning charms before waking Severus and getting him dressed. He had hoped that Severus might be persuaded to wear just a shirt and trousers, given his fever, but he insisted on wearing his full robes.

They apparated to a lane near the healer’s rooms. Severus immediately pulled himself from Remus’s arms, steadying himself against a wall and refusing any assistance. He took a few breaths then hauled himself upright. While he still looked ill, he’d drawn his face into the forbidding expression he had shown the world for years. Remus realised that he’d never been anywhere public with Severus, and that Severus would probably be uncomfortable to be seen with him. He dropped his hands to his sides, but kept a close watch in case Severus needed help.

With Remus walking behind him, Severus swept into the waiting room as if he was patrolling the corridors of Hogwarts. When he got inside, he stopped and looked around. The waiting room was empty, apart from a young women with a toddler on her hip and slightly older child clinging to her robe. She appeared to be paying her bill, and left hastily as soon as she was done, giving Severus a brief nod of acknowlegement before scuttling out of the door. It struck Remus that, given her age, she had probably been at Hogwarts when Severus was teaching. He couldn’t blame her for fleeing.

Severus glared at the receptionist – also likely to have been one of his students – until she directed him to take a seat. She called him “Professor Snape”, confirming Remus’s suspicion that he had taught her. Severus didn’t correct her, simply turning away and sitting down, a blank look on his face. He didn’t look well, but at least he didn’t look on the point of collapse.

When the healer came out of her office to call his name, he stood, took a couple of steps and then stumbled. 

“Severus,” Remus called, reaching for him and grabbing his arm. He couldn’t stop Severus falling to his knees, but he softened the fall and held him as he began to cough uncontrollably.

Healer MacMillan waved her wand and the coughing immediately eased. Severus looked up, then immediately down again as he realised that the healer and receptionist were both watching him. His shoulders slumped and he raised his hand to his face. Remus knew he would be utterly mortified to be seen in such a state, even if only by a couple of people.

“It’s alright, Severus. I’ve got you.”

Remus supported Severus as he dragged himself to his feet. As soon as he was upright, he stumbled again, this time falling against Remus, who steadied him with an arm around his waist.

“Just a few more steps and we will be in the healer’s office, love.”

Severus trudged slowly, allowing Remus’s help but looking at the ground. When they got into the healer’s office, he sank into one of the chairs and held his face in his hands. Remus gave Healer MacMillan an apologetic look.

“It’s fine, Remus, really,” she said, moving across to crouch beside Severus. She placed one hand on his arm.

“Hello, Severus. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

She paused, then continued to speak when it was clear that Severus wasn’t going to respond.

“I’ve heard so much about you.”

Severus glanced up at her then, before turning to glare at Remus. Healer MacMillan gave a small chuckle.

“No, not from Remus. From Teddy. He talks about you constantly.”

Severus lifted his head to look at her properly.

“Really?”

Remus gave a silent sigh of relief. He had been right – she knew just how to handle Severus. With barely a complaint, she was able to check his throat and ears, as well as holding her wand to his chest. She looked rather concerned after she’d done that, and went straight to her potion cupboard. She removed a vial and poured some into a small cup, handing it to him to drink.

“This is bordering on pneumonia, Severus. Your fever’s very high. I’m considering sending you to St Mungo’s.”

“No… not…” Severus began to cough again as he spoke.

The healer waved her wand again and the coughing ceased.

“Has he been staying with you, Remus, or at home?”

Remus sighed.

“At his place,” he said. “I’m afraid I didn’t even know he was ill until this morning.”

“Severus,” Healer MacMillan said, turning again to Severus. “If you aren’t in St Mungo’s, then you will need someone to look after you. You’re not well enough to look after youself.”

Severus shook his head.

“Come and stay with us, Severus. We can look after you while you are ill.”

Severus’s eyes widened in alarm.

“No,” he said, head shaking more firmly this time. “No. I can’t.”

“It’s fine, Severus, it’s no problem.”

“No. No, Teddy will… I can’t… he…”

“Severus, what’s the matter?”

Remus reached out and placed one hand against Severus’s cheek.

“I don’t understand, love. What the matter?”

“Teddy will… he… he knows I look after you. If he… if he sees me ill… I can’t be ill… he will worry… he won’t like me… and then…”

“Severus, it will be fine.”

Severus continued to shake his head, pushing away Remus’s hand.

“Teddy could go and stay with Harry and Ginny, if you like. Would that be better?”

“No!”

Severus was clearly starting to panic, and Remus really couldn’t see why.

“Love, it’s okay. You’re ill. We need to work out what’s best to look after you. But it’s not something you need to worry about. I’ll make sure Teddy is fine, you know that.”

“I’ll go to St Mungo’s,” Severus said with desperation in his voice.

“Are you sure, Severus?”

“Just… just don’t tell Teddy.”

“Severus, Teddy is already wondering why he hasn’t seen you. He misses you. I’m sure he would much rather come and visit you in hospital than not see you at all.”

“No… no…”

“Severus,” Healer MacMillan said, her tone gentle, “Teddy does worry a bit too much, doesn’t he?”

Severus nodded and Remus felt it like a stab at his heart. He knew it was true, but it was hard to hear someone else say it. He squashed down the guilt that rose up inside him and turned to watch the healer.

“But, you can’t stop him worrying by hiding things. That will only make it worse. Go and stay with Remus, let him look after you. Teddy will be alright.”

For a moment, Remus thought that Healer MacMillan had talked Severus round, but then he began to shake his head again.

“Teddy can’t know. He will hate me…

Severus looked like he wanted about to argue with Remus, but then he was overcome by yet more coughing. Healer MacMillan waved her wand again to stop the coughing, but she did some sort of extra spell. All the tension seemed to leave Severus’s body and she slumped forward against Remus.

“I’m sorry to do that, Remus, but I don’t think we were going to be able to have a rational conversation with him.”

“Is he unconscious?”

“He’s asleep. He will stay asleep for as long as he needs to, which I suspect might be a while, maybe twelve hours or more. Take him home, Remus. Look after him. I’ll sort out some potions for you to give him. I’ll be in touch about a time when I can see him tomorrow.”

Remus nodded,

“You’ll be alright? Looking after him, with Teddy there?”

“I’ll be fine. Well be fine,” Remus said.


	3. Chapter 3

3.  
Teddy, of course, did not hate Severus for being ill. He was worried though, and barely left his side once he arrived home from school and discovered that Severus was asleep in his father’s bed. He’d woken several times in the night, coming to check Severus was alright. Remus had eventually let him climb into the bed, something he normally only did just after the full moon. In the morning, Remus had a very hard time convincing him to go to school, and only succeded by pointing out that the following day was Saturday and he could spend all day with Severus then.

In the meantime, Severus slept. Remus woke him periodically to pour potions down his throat, but he didn’t wake fully. The fever and coughing eased whenever he’d taken the potions, but seemed to return before the next dose was due. More than anything, though, it just seemed that he was exhausted.

By Saturday morning, he was much improved. He rose and dressed himself for a visit to the healer’s office without assistance. Once again he wore his full robes, and he put on his fiercest expression when they reached the lane near the healer’s office.

Severus strode ahead, but Teddy dashed after him and grabbed his hand, which brought the man to a startled stop. He looked down at Teddy, the scowl still on his face, but it faltered as Teddy beamed up at him. Then Teddy was off, dragging him into the waiting room with a big grin on his face and his hair a particularly vivid shade of blue.

Remus spoke to the receptionist while Severus and Teddy sat. The waiting room was full this time, and about half of the people there were staring openly at Severus. The others were quite obviously looking the other way, making it clear that they were _not_ paying any attention whatsoever to the notorious former teacher and spy. Severus was trying his best to look intimidating, although Teddy rather ruined the effect. He’d picked up a book of awful jokes – one he seemed to find every time he visited the healer’s office. Usually, he insisted that his father sit with him and respond to every “knock knock” with “who’s there”, but this time he had Severus – who was, of course, incapable of saying no to him.

“Teddy, love,” Remus said eventually, when Severus started coughing, “remember that Severus still isn’t well. He might need to take a break.”

Teddy nodded and began leafing through the book. Remus looked across to Severus. Now that he knew what he was looking for, Remus could see the signs that Severus was both anxious and feeling quite ill. They were subtle, but definite. There was tension in the muscles around his mouth and jaw, the fingers of one hand pressed into his leg and, every now and again, he drew in a deep breath and then held it. A few moments later, he would release it suddenly, as if he hadn’t realised he was holding it.

Remus reached across and put his hand on one shoulder.

“Severus, love, are you feeling alright?”

Severus stiffened at his touch.

“Fine,” he hissed through his clenched jaw, and Remus pulled back.

“Daddy, Daddy, knock knock,” Teddy said, grabbing Remus by the arm.

“Who’s there,” Remus replied, glancing up to meet Severus’s eyes and give him a small smile.

When the healer finally called for him, Severus went alone. He didn’t stumble, although he had gone rather pale and Remus thought he might have been shaking slightly. Remus had wondered whether he would try to convince Healer Macmillan that he was fine, but there wasn’t much chance of that, given how ill he looked. Although he tried, it seemed that Severus could no longer call on his impressive occlumency skills to hide when he was in pain. The man who was walking slowly across the waiting room seemed the long way from the man who had turned up to Order meetings after facing the Dark Lord’s torture.

Severus returned from the healer’s office looking slightly less pale, and clutching several more potion bottles. Remus had winced inwardly at the cost as he paid the healer’s bill – he hoped Severus didn’t notice – and then took Severus and Teddy home.

Whatever spells the healer had used left Severus well enough to eat a full bowl of soup for lunch, but he began to tire soon after. Remus gave him more of the potions and then he and Teddy watched as he drifted off to sleep.

Teddy was determined to spend the entire day watching Severus. He brought in his Lego and a book and planted himself on the chair in the corner of the bedroom. Giving Teddy strict instructions not to wake Severus or do anything noisy, he left Teddy to it, retreating to the sitting room where he pulled his rather neglected work out of the trunk where he stored it. Although restrictions on werewolf employment had been lifted, work was still hard to find, especially for a werewolf who also had a child to look after. Remus’s main source of income was creating and charming objects for use with dark creatures. He currently had an order for several lethifold detectors for a group of magizoologists who were planning an expedition to West Papua.

Remus became totally absorbed in transfiguring the tiny metal rings which, if charmed correctly, would spin rapidly and emit a piercing shriek when a lethifold was nearby. Hours had passed before he realised it, with no sign of Teddy interrupting him. When he finally noticed the time, Remus headed upstairs, knowing that silence from Teddy often signified one of his bad ideas. The boy was definitely a Marauder-in-training.

When he got upstairs, Remus was relieved to hear soft voices.

“You looked really sick, Severus. I thought you were going to die.”

“Oh, I’m tougher than that, Teddy. It would take more than a cough to kill me. You know I survived being bitten by a snake?”

“Really?”

Teddy sounded impressed and Remus could easily imagine his wide-eyed stare.

“What sort of snake was it? Was it a big one? You know I saw an adder on the road once? Daddy said I mustn’t disturb it because it was poisonous. But it wasn’t very big. Was it an adder?”

“You know Teddy, I’m not sure what sort of snake it was. It was rather large. It belonged to… a very bad man.”

“Was that the bad man that killed Mummy?”

There was a long silence. Remus suspected that the question would have made Severus uncomfortable and was about to intervene, but then he spoke again.

“It was a different bad man, Teddy. But both of those bad men knew each other. They fought together in the war. Your father and mother and I all fought against their side.”

“Harry too?”

“Yes, Harry too. And the Weasleys, and Hermione, and your Grandmother and Grandfather helped as well.”

There was another pause and Remus wondered about the fact that Severus had just referred to Harry as Harry. Remus knew that there had been some sort of reconciliation between the two, although he’d seen no sign that they were actually friendly. He wondered whether it meant something.

“That’s a lot of people. Was it a big war? Daddy doesn’t tell me much about it. He gets sad if I ask him about it. Sometimes, if I ask him about it, I hear him crying later but he locks the bathroom door and says he’s fine.”

Remus cringed with guilt. He had no idea Teddy had worked that out. He’d tried hard to hide it, but Teddy was sometimes too clever for his own good. And now he’d told Severus, who really shouldn’t have to deal with any more of Remus’s weaknesses.

“Well, Teddy, the war was very sad. There were a lot of people who fought and a lot who were killed.”

Severus and Teddy were both silent for a while. Remus stood with his forehead pressed against the wall, unable to stop listening but now feeling like he couldn’t walk in and interrupt.

“You know Daddy is less sad with you?”

“What do you mean, Teddy?”

“Before the full moon, and after. That’s when he’s sad the most. But when you look after him more, he’s less sad. He doesn’t look sad when he’s with you. It’s because you look after him.”

“Oh,” Severus replied, after a period of silence.

“So that’s why I was scared. You mustn’t die. I need you to help me take care of Daddy.”

“Oh, I don’t think you need to worry about that Teddy. I will always be here to look after your father when he needs me.”

Remus felt his throat tighten and he pressed his hand to his mouth to a cry escaping. He fled to the bathroom before the tears began to roll down his face. For a few minutes, he stood at the sink, breathing deeply and calming himself. Once he had himself back under control, he charmed away the redness in his eyes.

“It must be time for your cough potion, Severus,” Remus said as he walked into the bedroom, trying to sound normal but suspecting he sounded like he was faking cheerfulness. Teddy was sitting on the bed next to Severus, showing him various Lego creations.

Teddy leapt from the bed to get the potion bottles.

“I hope he isn’t wearing you out,” Remus said. “Teddy, you are being nice and quiet for Severus, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Daddy. He stayed asleep the whole afternoon and I didn’t wake him.”

Remus glanced at Severus to confirm that he hadn’t been bothered by Teddy.

“That’s true, I’ve only just woken.”

Remus nodded. Teddy handed the potion bottles over to Severus and Remus watched as he took them. Then Teddy took the bottles carefully back to the dressing table.

“Would you like some tea?” he asked.

“Yes, please.”

“I’ll make it,” Teddy squealed, before running out of the room and down the stairs. Remus heard his footsteps and then a brief silence followed by a heavy thud, as Teddy did a jump three or four stairs from the bottom and landed on a rug which was covering carpet that was rather the worse for wear. Then the footsteps were running again. Evidently the energy he’d held in to avoid waking Severus all afternoon had finally come out.

Remus sat on the edge of the bed and leaned forwards to give Severus a brief kiss.

“He truly wasn’t bothering you?”

“He was fine, Remus.”

“It’s just, well, I notice that you find it hard to say no to him. I worry that if he was getting too much for you, that you wouldn’t say.”

Severus glanced away. Remus knew that any perceived criticism, no matter how oblique, could cause Severus to withdraw or get defensive, but he also knew he had to say it. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was something he was missing about the slightly odd relationship his son had with Severus, something it was important that he understand.

“He really was no problem.”

“This afternoon, maybe, but what about other times? At the healer’s waiting room, where he was bothering you with those jokes.”

Severus shook his head.

“I don’t mind,” he said.

“What about when Teddy wants something like chocolate biscuits for dinner, Severus?”

Severus’s face closed down and Remus took his hand.

“Severus, it’s okay. I’m not upset with you. I just want to understand.”

Remus stroked his thumb over the back of Severus’s hand. He said nothing and didn’t look Severus in the eye. He wanted to give him time. Finally, Severus spoke.

“I… I don’t want to upset him.”

“You do know that saying no to him sometimes won’t upset him? I say no to him all the time.”

“I know, but… you’re… it’s different.”

“That’s true, and if you haven’t said no to him in the past, he probably will get upset and angry when you do. But he’ll get past it.”

Severus shook his head.

“What if he hates me?”

“He won’t hate you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Severus, I do know that. Teddy loves you. He adores you. He thinks you’re wonderful.”

“But if he didn’t…”

Severus’s voice was suddenly small and timid.

“Love, what’s the matter?”

Severus took a deep breath and Remus saw him blink away what looked suspiciously like tears.

“Severus, love, it’s alright.”

“No… no… I… I’m afraid that he won’t love me and… and then you won’t love me.”

“Severus, no. That won’t happen. That’s not… no… Severus, love, that’s not how it works.

But Severus had let something go inside him. It seemed like he needed to speak.

“He… he thinks I’m strong. He thinks _I_ look after _you_. He… he worries about you and for some odd reason it reassures him that I’m around. But if he knew what I was really like… what if I lose my temper with him? Or he knew how pathetic I am? I couldn’t bear for him to hate me. Or for you to hate me. I just… I don’t know what I’d do.”

“Severus, shh. Teddy’s not going to hate you. I’m not going to hate you. And…”

Remus found himself uncertain what to say. There was so much wrong in Severus’s words that he didn’t even know where to start. In the end, he simply pulled Severus into his arms. Severus gave a whimper then pressed his face into Remus’s neck.

“Oh, love, it’s alright.”

Everything seemed to fall into place for Remus. It made perfect sense, in the sort of way that things made sense to Severus. Now Remus could understand why Severus had been so upset at the thought of Teddy seeing him ill. He couldn’t believe that Remus and Teddy loved him just as he was. He thought that Teddy only cared because Severus looked after Remus, and that Remus only cared because Teddy liked him.

Remus tightened his arms around Severus.

“You know that we both love you just as you are, Severus. Just because you are you. It’s not because you do such a wonderful job caring for me after the full moon, or because you are so patient with Teddy.”

Severus shook his head, still pressed into Remus’s shoulder.

“Severus, Teddy will be back with the tea in a moment.”

With a sharp jerk, Severus pulled himself out of Remus’s arms.

“I’m sorry, Severus, I didn’t want to push you away. I just realise you don’t want Teddy to know that you’re upset.”

Severus nodded, looking down and avoiding Remus’s eyes.

“But we will talk later, Severus. Just… please try not to worry so much. Teddy and I, we aren’t going to stop loving you.”

“I made tea,” Teddy yelled, just outside the room.

He walked in holding two cups, handing one to Severus – black with sugar – and one to Remus, with milk.

“Thank you, Teddy, that’s just how I like it,” Severus said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned out a bit longer than I planned, so there's another chapter to go now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have noticed that the Severus who appears in the Love Potions stories is rather nicer than canon Severus, and wondered whether this is just OOC-ness for the sake of the story, or there is a specific reason. Well, this chapter has the answer...

The house at Spinner’s End had always made Remus feel cold inside. The air felt as if it was decades old, with a musty damp smell that suggested Severus seldom opened windows. Although Severus had put in bookcases filled with books, he’d done nothing else to change the hallway and sitting room since his parents had been alive, apart from filling the floor with stacks of books, potion journals and old newspapers when he ran out of bookshelf space. The furniture, as far as Remus could tell, was not only the same furniture, but it was in exactly the same location. There were a few faded pictures – framed muggle photographs – on the walls, and again they had clearly been there since one or other of his parents had put them up. Severus had cleared his parents’ clothes out of the dresser and wardrobe in their bedroom, so that he could move his own clothes in, but he had simply dumped them on the single bed in what had been his room. The bathroom still contained an old shaving brush and razor, as well as an ancient jar of Brylcreem, all of which Remus was quite sure Severus had never touched.

The only room the really looked lived-in was that kitchen, and that wasn’t in a good way. Before Remus had started visiting regularly to keep the mess under control, the bench had been covered in cups of half-drunk tea, dirty bread plates and knives, old margarine tubs and plastic bags containing mouldy breach crusts. There was other rubbish too, the paper from fish and chips, crisp packets, chocolate wrappers, tins of baked beans with spoons sticking out the top – clearly Severus had eaten them straight from the can. Remus wondered whether he had bothered with heating spells or had eaten them cold.

Once Remus had cleaned it up, the kitchen was never quite so bad again, largely because Remus visited once or twice a week to do a bit of tidying and cleaning. But Severus was very particular that Remus was not to tidy or throw away anything but dirty dishes, dirty clothes and any rubbish Severus had left. Anything belonging to his parents had to stay where it was. Severus had not explained why and Remus didn’t push it. It had been hard enough to get Severus to even let him in the house and do some very basic cleaning.

After two weeks staying with Remus and Teddy, Severus had finally been judged well enough to return home. Remus had gone with him, remembering the state of the bedroom when Severus had been ill and quite sure that he’d simply fall into bed at the end of the day without noticing.

When they left Remus and Teddy’s cottage, warm and bright and clean, although comfortably untidy, Severus had looked relaxed. He had spent hours listening to Teddy read, or reading to him, and admired every one of Teddy’s Lego creations. A hint of smile often played at the corner of his lips as he watched Remus and Teddy together. He’d sat with Remus as he worked, offering ideas and suggestions accompanied by increasingly sarcastic comments as he became more comfortable.

But at Spinner’s End, Severus almost appeared to shrink. His shoulders tensed together and his head dropped. Although the ceiling was low and the walls close, he seemed smaller. Remus hadn’t noticed it before, but now he had, it was so obvious.

“Severus, are you alright to be home? You seem more tense.”

“I’m fine. Just… thinking about all the potion orders that I should have been working on. I’m very behind.”

Remus didn’t think it was anything like that, but he didn’t question further.

“How about I do a bit of tidying while you check on your potions? I’ll come and see you when I’ve finished.”

Severus nodded and walked across the kitchen and into the cellar. He moved silently and carefully, like a cat slinking away from the scene of a confrontation. It was a long way from the man who had swept through the corridors of Hogwarts, back straight, head high, robes billowing behind him. But, Remus suspected, it was not far from the child who had tried to keep out of his parents’ way so that he wouldn’t have to face their drunken rages.

When Remus had finished cleaning up the bedroom and bathroom upstairs, he made two cups of tea and headed down into the cellar. For a moment he couldn’t see Severus, who was sitting on the ground with a pile of parchment around him. He had his back to Remus and didn’t respond when Remus called his name.

Remus put the tea onto a bench and stepped closer.

“Severus, are you alright?”

As he moved around, Remus saw two trails of tears running down Severus’s cheeks. Remus felt cold inside. He’d never seen Severus cry.

“Severus, what’s the matter?”

He crouched down and put one hand on Severus’s back. Severus didn’t move.

“Love, I’m here. Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

Slowly, Severus let out a long sigh. Remus rubbed his back gently and took one of Severus’s hands in his. It was clenched tight, into a fist. He didn’t speak, just waiting until Severus was ready.

Finally, he dropped his head forward and spoke.

“I’m sorry I’m so pathetic.”

“Severus, you’re not. Something’s upset you, I can see that. Can you tell me what?”

“I just… I can’t… I used to be able to do this.”

He waved a hand vaguely at the pile of parchment.

“I used to… I could keep it… in my head… it all made sense. But now… it’s not the same, since the war… I can’t seem to sort it out.”

Remus looked down at the parchment. There were orders for different potions, invoices written in Severus’s tight scrawl, a long piece of scroll which seemed to be some sort of ledger, although it was filled out haphazardly.

“You’re having trouble keeping your books organised? Severus, you know I could do this for you easily. I do my own books, it would be no efforts to add yours in. I actually quite enjoy it. My mother was good at maths and taught me this kind of thing when I was a child.”

Even as he spoke, Remus knew that wasn’t the problem. Severus would be crying because his orders and invoices were in a mess. There was something more going on.

“Severus, It’s not about the books is it?”

Severus shook his head and Remus sat silent, waiting.

“I know I was always a bit… well, things would get in a mess sometimes, but not… not things that really mattered. I had my lessons, brewing for Poppy, experiments and projects I was working on. Over the summer, I’d work on them more. Keep notes. Read books. Write a few articles. I know the house was… it would be a bit of a mess, but never…”

He glanced up at Remus, who nodded but didn’t say anything. Severus sighed again and Remus gave his hand a squeeze. At the prodding of Remus’s fingers, he unclenched his fist and allowed Remus to hold his hand properly.

“I could control my emotions too, mostly. I could mask everything when I needed to, could be the Dark… you know… _his_ loyal servant, send my mind away when I needed to, to escape… but then come back when I needed to as well. But now… I… I’m… not… not the same…”

Severus’s voice caught and the tears began again. Remus pulled him in closer and then Severus was sobbing on his shoulder.

“Love, it’s alright.”

“No…”

Severus shook his head.

“It’s not… it’s not alright…”

Remus held him, turning the thoughts around in his head, trying to understand what Severus was saying. It was true, Severus didn’t seem like he used to be, but Remus had mostly put that down to the war being over and Severus becoming more relaxed around him. He did notice, at times, that Severus would struggle to concentrate, staring off into space at the dinner table or starting to read the paper and then giving up before he was more than a couple of pages in. Now he thought about it, Remus didn’t think he’d seen Severus read anything more than a couple of chapters of ,i.Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,/I> to Teddy.

Remus thought over Severus’s words “not the same since the war”. He wasn’t the only one, Remus knew. Andromeda drank. Harry kept up a brave face, but suffered awful nightmares. Arthur didn’t have the same ready smile and Molly worried constantly. The list went on. They were all changed. Remus didn’t like to think about it. After all, he had Teddy, he should be grateful. But then something would remind him of Dora or Sirius and the grief would consume him all over again.

The sobbing eased and Severus pushed himself away.

“Sorry… I’m sorry…”

“Please, Severus, don’t apologise. There’s nothing you need to apologise for. I’m only sorry I didn’t realise sooner. I should have seen you were struggling. I would have helped more.”

“You’ve done so much.”

“Only because I want to. And… surely you see we are helping each other. You help me so much at the full moon. First you were making Wolfsbane, then healing potions, then when… when the Wolfsbane caused me all those problems and then, well, now… looking after me both before and after. And you know how I can be before the moon, when I’m on edge and get snappy, and you just roll your eyes and it’s alright. And… we help each other, Severus.”

Severus shrugged.

“You help me in other ways too, Severus. I’m not sure if you even realise…”

Remus looked down, seeing one of his hands still holding Severus’s. He reached for the other and held that too. Then he took a deep breath. He didn’t want to say what he was about to say, but he realised that Severus needed to hear it.

“When you said… about… how since the war your aren’t the same… nor am I Severus. I know that I’m lucky, lucky to have survived to see my son grow up, and I’m just so, so lucky to have Teddy, but still… “

Remus paused and took another breath. This was what he had always tried to hide from Severus. It was surely enough that Severus helped him at the full moon, it seemed too much to ask that he have to deal with Remus’s grief as well. But perhaps that was the problem. Each was trying to protect the other, but perhaps that wasn’t what was needed.

“I overheard you talking with Teddy one day… he said he… he worries about me… and he told you some things… about me being sad, he said that sometimes… well, he said I cried sometimes if he asked about the war… it’s true, I’m afraid. I try to feel grateful, to focus on what I have but… but sometimes I think about all that I’ve lost, those that I’ve lost… Dora… Sirius… especially them… it just feels so unfair and so… so raw… even now… even though I have Teddy, even though I have you…”

Remus felt his own eyes filled with tears and looked up to see that Severus was nearly crying as well.

“It still hurts, Severus, even after all those years, but you help, Severus. You... you somehow make it more bearable.”

Remus reached up to stroke Severus’s cheek and wipe away a couple of tears.

“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have brought up Sirius, I understand how you feel about him, and why…”

Severus shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it. That was all a long time ago.”

Remus hoped that he kept the surprise off his face.

“It was, Severus, but… I always had the impression that… well, how things were are school, all of that, was still very present for you. That you still…”

Remus tried to find another way to say that he had thought Severus still held a grudge, but couldn’t, so he shrugged and gave a half-smile.

“I’ve let all of that go, Remus. I needed to.”

Remus nodded. Severus’s words were true, he had needed to let it all go, but Remus still couldn’t quite believe that he had.

“I am glad, Severus. I think perhaps that it has made you a happier man, a little less angry.”

“You’re right, Remus, it has. I carried so much, for all those years. I didn’t know any other way, I never realised you could just decide to let something go and that it would… well, that it would go. Not completely, but it just doesn’t hold the power now.”

“What made you realise?”

Severu paused, looking down then sighing. When he spoke, the word was soft, murmured reverently.

“Harry.”

Remus blinked.

“Harry?”

“Harry. Harry forgave me.”

The words were spoken almost like a prayer. Then Severus looked up, eyes bright with unshed tears, but something else as well.

“Lily… I called her… I said something unacceptable to her. It just slipped out, I was always in the company of that vile group and I’d somehow picked it up. And she never forgave me. It was the company I was keeping as well, of course, but I didn’t have a lot of choice of friends. Still, somehow, that was unforgivable to her.”

There was still a trace of hurt on his face, and it made Remus’s heart ache. He had played a part in that, he knew. It was a silent part, of inaction rather than action, but he had still been there. And he knew that Severus was right. Lily did tend to hold a grudge and took a long time to change her mind. It was James who had been the more forgiving one, at least to his friends.

“But Harry,” Severus said, continuing with a softer look on his face, “he forgave me. What I did to him was so much worse than how I treated Lily. I was vile to him, for no reason except that I loathed his father and expected him to be the same. But he wasn’t like his father. Not at all. I treated him like… “

A look of pain crossed Severus face, but Remus said nothing. He knew that Severus needed to get these words out.

“Horribly. I treated him horribly and he wasn’t like his father at all. He went through so much, that awful home, the expectations on him, the war, where he wasn’t so much a soldier as a weapon… but he still… he was still kind. And he forgave me for everything.”

Severus paused, then suddenly looked awkward, perhaps understanding just how much of himself he was revealing. He shrugged and pulled his hands from Remus’s.

“I suppose, after that, I realised that I could forgive people too. So I decided to forgive everyone, my family, my housemates, all of the Death Eaters, Dumbledore… Riddle… even Potter and Pettigrew and your beloved mutt.”

Remus smiled at that and Severus almost smiled back.

“I decided that I could be better. That I could be kinder. That I could… I could do things for people with my skills… the skills I have left, anyway.”

He began to push himself to his feet, knocking the parchment around him away and looking across the bench.

“I do need to do some brewing. I… I can’t remember exactly how much I have to make, but I know that if I don’t start on the Wolfsbane in the next few days, I won’t have it done on time.”

“You’re still making Wolfsbane?”

“I have a few orders for it, yes.”

Remus was surprised. Severus had never mentioned it. He didn’t talk about the brewing he did to order.

“So you’re selling to werewolves?”

“Presumably. I can’t think of anyone else who would order Wolfsbane and silver-free healing potions.”

Severus looked across at Remus, and rolled his eyes. There was a hint of a smile on his face.

“You don’t have any trouble with brewing? Like you do with concentrating on other things?”

Remus watched the smile fade.

“Some days,” Severus said, looking away from Remus, “things go quite well. But… I make a lot more mistakes. On a good day, I can make adjustments when something goes wrong, or I make a mistake early and I can restart without losing too much time. But sometimes… sometimes everything is… nothing goes right. I can waste the entire day… have nothing to show for it.”

“Would it help if I stayed here with you today, while you were brewing? I don’t need to be home until it’s time to pick up Teddy. And then, maybe, you could come back to the cottage, for dinner at least.”

“If you could… the problem is I know I have some orders, but I’m not sure how many. That was why… would you… perhaps…”

Remus nodded and started to picked up pieces of parchment from the floor, stacking them on one end of the bench and beginning to sort through them. Once he’d worked out how many orders there were for the current month, he settled down to try and make sense of Severus’s chaotic book-keeping while Severus brewed. Remus kept one eye on him, insisting he take breaks and drink tea, and making sure that he ate lunch.

By mid-afternoon, when it was time for them to leave, Remus had a fairly good idea how Severus ran his potions business. Orders came in, if Severus didn’t lose the parchment they were written on he made the ordered potion, he sent the potions out by owl, sometimes money came in. It seemed that payments for Wolfsbane, as well as certain healing potions useful after the full moon, were particularly sporadic. The payment amount was variable as well. While Remus suspected that some of Severus’s customers may have taken advantage of the disorganisaton, it seemed as if the werewolves, in particular, were simply paying what they could, when they could.

“It’s good of you to make Wolfsbane and all those healing potions for the werewolves and then charge so little,” Remus said, as they prepared to apparate back to the cottage.

Severus shrugged.

“I am fortunate enough to have an excellent test subject. It gives me a great advantage in brewing healing potions for werewolves. It seems only fair that I share that fortune around.”

His tone was dismissive, but Remus noticed a smile tugging at the corner of Severus’s mouth as he spoke. He’d relaxed as well, the hunched posture and watchfulness in his expression gone.

“So I’ve been your lab rat, then?” Remus said, raising his eyebrows.

“Of course,” Severus replied. “I’ve never pretended otherwise.”

Remus smiled at that, then leaned in to give Severus a brief kiss.

“Let’s go home, Severus.”

“Home,” Severus replied, a thoughtful expression on his face.

Remus waited until Severus looked up at him, then nodded.

“Home.”


End file.
